Thoughts on Mommy Wars
Monday, September 17th, 2007 | Sara the Wife
I have really been enjoying my latest read, “Mommy Wars.” Each chapter is written by a different kind of “mommy.” From career moms to stay-at-home-moms to hybrids of the two. I find that my opinions are evolving, and that God is doing a work on my heart as well (more on that later). The two points I have been thinking most on these last few days are as follows:
1. Being a mom is not a job–it is a relationship. For us “gen me-ers,” we have a very difficult time investing our time and energy into something without a given recipe or algorithm to follow. “Follow these steps, and you will have healthy, well-rounded, and most importantly, happy children.” Unfortunately, like all relationships (being a daughter, or a wife, or a granddaughter) there are no rules to follow. Being a “successful” mother is not something that can be measured on a standardized test. The amount of love, care, grace, and guidance given by any mom cannot be calculated to determine the type of people her children will turn out to be. Becoming or not becoming a stay-at-home-mom cannot be the only factor that determines the “success” of a family.
2. A good mother is a good mother, working or not, just as a crummy one is crummy whether she’s home all the time or hardly at all. I hadn’t thought about it that way before. Lots of working moms put their children first, no matter what. If there’s a meeting at the office, but the baby is sick, a good mom usually finds herself at home tending to her little one. If the latest designer bags are out for Fall, and the self-centered, at-home-mom just has to have it, she can often find a way to make irresponsible decisions to provide for her needs before caring for the needs of her family. Staying “at home” does not always mean “present,” just as “working” does not always mean “absent.”
Back to what God is teaching me through all of this. I have come to realize that I have a very judgmental spirit about these issues. I have been reminded that my opinions are simply my opinions (and as Pastor Mark said on Sunday, “We’re all tired of your opinions”). It must break God’s heart when I am quick to judge a challenging student in my class (“well, his mom must work outside the home because this kid’s got major discipline issues!”). I am learning that what works for me and our family is not the answer for every woman out there. That instead of looking at “career” moms with squinted, critical eyes, I should look at them with eyes of compassion. After all, there is no rule book to follow. And for those women trying to raise their children on their own, and have yet to reach out to God for help, it is not my place to judge. Rather, I should *love* the women and their children I come in contact with daily. God has called me to do nothing more than LOVE. And the only Book that will teach me how to do that is God’s Word.
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