Looking Through the Window

Tuesday, June 17th, 2008 | Sara the Wife

Lately, I’ve been keeping up with several blogs written about pregnancy and “mommy-ing.” It’s not that I’m entering the stage of life anytime real soon, it’s just that I know A LOT of people who are starting families (there are 7 people “expecting” at my work alone, and 2 at Nate’s).

(Me and my beautiful niece, Sophie)

I guess we are at that age. Like when we were at the age when everyone seemed to be getting braces (I was a late bloomer on that one; I didn’t get mine until high school). Then it seemed everyone was graduating and going away to college. That stage was soon followed by the era of starting careers and marriages. And now here I stand smack dab in the middle of the “starting a family” stage.

I’m a rather introspective person. I enjoy learning from other people through reading, conversations, and observations. I like to reflect on my learning and make future decisions based on my conclusions. I’ve always had pretty high expectations of myself and I greatly fear failure. The point of learning from others is so I won’t have to make the same mistakes they made but can beat myself up royally when I do. On the converse, if I learn from others how to do something correctly, perhaps I can have the same positive results they had.

I tend to approach most of life this way. “Learn from the teachers you observe in the credential program,” I told myself, “that way you can be a great teacher when you get into your own classroom.” “Watch the ‘good wives’ in the church so you’ll know how to take good care of your husband someday.” And now, here I stand peeking through the window of motherhood. “Read all the books and blogs you can,” I tell myself now. “Learn from the new moms at church and work.” I fill my head with all kinds of knowledge of experiences, but no actual mommy experience.

It’s quite overwhelming! I mean, the ladies I’ve been watching and keeping up with are amazing! The more I learn, the more inadequate I feel. How did they make it through 9 long months of an extreme body makeover followed by 20 hours of excruciating labor and many long weeks of adjustment to a new life. The sleepless nights, the morning sickness, the awkwardness of their own body. The bringing home of a little person totally dependent on you, the new relationship you have with your spouse, the constant schedule changes, the new experiences…

HEAVEN HELP ME!

How will I ever be able to be a mommy!?

I’m simply peeking through the window. I know my view is limited. After all, I can’t hear what’s going on on the other side. I can’t taste or smell or touch all that mommyhood entails. I can only use one of the senses God has given me. And while I am so grateful for the opportunity to learn from others, I must know in my heart that my experiences are coming. That God, in His amazing love, will give me the wisdom and strength I need when that time comes and I open the window, ever so gently, and step through it myself.

6 Comments to Looking Through the Window

lisa bartle
June 24, 2008

just had to comment on this one
i don’t think i’ve ever met a mommy who goes into it knowing what they are REALLY getting into! it’s true though that as soon as you hold that little one in your arms, you are scared to death, and know exactly what to do, all at the same time. mother’s instinct is a VERY powerful thing, and it’s amazing the things you never thought you could do that seem to come naturally. (i don’t deny it isn’t hard, frustrating, etc, but in the end, you look in that little face, and it’s all worth it hugs, sara!

Mindy
July 7, 2008

I was just like you & kind of still am. The only advise or words of wisdom I can encourage you with are: obersve, observe, observe & have faith. I had no experience with babies or kids, but I have always observed the good & the bad around me & that has helped mold me & make me more decisive about how I choose to do or not to do things. Have Faith – that is what got me through both the pregnancy & delivery. I was so scared of both, but God gave me a strange sort of peace that everything was exactly as He wanted it so don’t worry. Plus, worry never helped anyone & I actively chose to just have faith & enjoy the peace God gave me. He alsohelps you forget; forget the pain, your old body, what it was like before you had a baby, & anything else that you are afraid you will miss, God helps you foregt, or at least not yearn for it anymore. We would not trade having Riley for anything in the world! I know you will be a great Mommy…someday…when you have a peace about it.

Sara
July 8, 2008

Lisa,

Thanks for your encouragement. It was so good to see you the other night. You have such a darling home and family.

Mindy,

Thank you so much for your words. I never really thought about the “forgetting” aspect so much. It makes a lot of sense. I mean, I have a very difficult time remembering what I was like before I got married, and wouldn’t change that decision for the world. I certainly don’t “yearn” for anything from before. It gives me great hope to look at having children just like that. And I am so grateful for a God who gives us hope and peace. Who knows our wants and desires better than we do and has a plan for my life. My faith continues to grow. Thanks for encouraging me.

~Sara

Mike Marley
September 19, 2008

Monica and I are due any day now. It’s a wild ride. You and Nate are so well grounded. You will be just fine.

sara
September 19, 2008

Mike–
Thanks for your kind words. I can’t wait to meet little baby Marley. Good luck on this new parenting adventure!
~Sara

Monica Marley
September 24, 2008

Sara, I love reading your posts, especially this one. Deciding to be a parent is one of the best and hardest decisions a couple can make. You’ll know when the time is right and when it is, Nate and you will be the best parents ever. I just know it.

~Monica

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