I’m exhausted. Really. This time of year is so tiring already, and with a growing belly, I am ready for Spring Break more than ever!

I’ve had a student teacher since January. It’s been a good experience, but a challenging one as well. I usually spend my mornings and prep periods preparing myself quietly (kind of an “introvert” thing). But, I’ve been sharing those times with a beginning teacher these last several weeks. I’ve also been sharing my classroom and my students. Most of us teachers went into the classroom because we are independent workers who get to rule our own little worlds for 6 hours a day. It’s been great to have a student teacher, but I’m definitely ready for some downtime.
My students are really excited about this little one growing inside of me. They make comments that I just have to write down. I don’t want to forget anything about this amazing experience…
“My, Mrs. Jones. You’re getting so big. You have to make it until August?!”
“I think you’re carrying a boy because you’re carrying low like my sister.”
“I think you’re carrying a boy because you’re more round.” From the other side of the room, “No, boys are longer, girls are rounder.”
“Have you picked out baby names yet? I really think you should name the baby after me.” Let’s get one thing straight…most names are “out” because I’ve had a student by that name!
My neighbor teacher suggested I make a box for baby name suggestions as well as parenting advice. I think that’s a great idea! Eighth graders are so fun!!

I graduated from A.B. Miller High School in Fontana.  It was a great place to go to school.  I was involved in the AP program, I sang in the choir, I ran track and cross-country, and I was a leader in a couple of clubs over the 4 years I was there.  The school population was diverse (ethnically speaking as well as socio-economically).  The teachers I had were outstanding.  I had a solid group of friends.  I look back on high school with fond memories.

And now, 12 years later, the school has been identified as one of the most “underperforming schools” in California.  My heart is sad.  Not because of what has happened to our school, but because politicians still think they can rank schools, teachers, and precious students according to some unrealistic scale of “success!”  Among my group of friends who graduated in the 90s from A.B. Miller are teachers, architects, EMTs, stay-at-home-moms, accountants, reading specialists, speech therapists, and engineers.  How could all of those students come out of such a “low-performing” institution?  Clearly, the level of success our high schoolers have in the future is more a reflection of their family and personal desire and motivation to achieve high standards than the ranking of schools by the government!

I feel very passionate about this (as if you couldn’t tell!).  So many of us who go into education do it because our hearts give us no other options.  Yes, there are some lousy teachers out there (and I had a few over the years), but there are some phenomenal people in our schools as well.  As Christ-followers, our calling goes even beyond where our hearts lead us.  We know, without a shadow of a doubt, that our classroom is our mission field.  We have been called by our Creator to love his kids…and NOT just the ones in higher achieving, more exclusive communities.

I am an advocate for public education.  Nate and I plan to send our children into our community’s schools.  We are a part of the education process as parents.  Our children have a responsibility to their family and to themselves to work toward success.  The government (state and federal) will not scare me about our schools.  I know that to the politicians, our kids are nothing but numbers and test scores; as well as one of the greatest strains on the economy.  However, I choose to believe that God is greater than any of that.  Public education is a wonderful and important part of our community.  The success of our future generations lies in relationships (with friends, families, teachers, community members, and churches), not in the numbers and lists provided by out-of-touch government officials.

We’re at the time of year where my students have started challenging me on some of my “rules.”  They just want to be sure the rules still apply (after all, it has been over 6 months since the start of the school year).  It’s a never ending job enforcing the rules and remaining “firm, fair, and consistent.”  But here’s the funny part…when I actually call the kids out on their behavior, they don’t really act surprised.  For example, I had a girl stay after school today to serve a 30 minute detention because she’s been tardy to Homeroom 4 times in the last few weeks.  She cleaned the desks, straightened chairs, and graded mad minutes.  At the end she smiled and said, “Have a nice weekend, Mrs. Jones.”  I just made her stay after school, on a Friday, no less.  Yet, she still wishes me a good weekend?

Another student, who I ran with today during the jogathon, commented to me that I’m going to make a good mom because I call him out on things when he knows he should act better.  I just had a very serious conversation with this kid yesterday outside of the classroom about how he needed to act more appropriately in class and get on task.  I was quite stern about it.  He said that was a good thing?  Apparently that’s the type of discipline that works for him.

I guess discipline really is about love, though.  I have expectations, I’ve given good reason for those expectations, and I hold every student accountable to them.  It’s not my job to be their friend.  It is my job, however to model respect and train them to be responsible, decent people in our little community of a classroom.  That’s the ultimate sign of love.

It’s just interesting that they really do, deep down, want that too.

• I submitted 3rd quarter progress reports this afternoon.  30 of my 120 kids are failing.  25% of my students are failing!!  Where have I gone wrong?  “You can lead a horse to water…yada, yada, yada.”  It just makes me sad.
• 50 of my students (including the 30 above) will be getting a progress report because they are earning a C- or below.  )-:
• I had a girl in one period suspended today for buying marijuana.  She bought it from one of the top students in the school.
• I have a boy in one of my classes who was suspended all last week for selling weed.  He missed all of my classes again this week, simply because he did not come to school.  And, may I mention, he has a tattoo on his forearm that his mom approved of him getting.  *sigh*
• Another boy ditched my class twice this week.  He was here at school earlier and his friends came looking for him after school, but he just thinks he doesn’t need to attend my class.  (I’m pretty sure he’s high many days as well).
• I have a girl who stole $53 worth of books from the school book fair today.  She stole books!
• Another one of my students (a boy) went to a teacher friend today to tell him a girl in his social group is making fun of him calling him a “fag” and “gay.”  He was so distraught he literally sat in my friend’s classroom and cried!

My heart simply aches for these kids!  Dear Jesus, am I having any influence on these precious beings You’ve created?  I worked 52 hours this week FOR MY KIDS.  Not that I regret it.  I just am so sad that so many of them come from situations where life really is that bad.  Oh, God, send some mercy into my classroom.  May it be a safe place for these kids who long for so much more than this life on earth can give.  Amen.

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It’s official.  I’m thirty years old today.  The funny thing is, I don’t feel any different or paranoid about getting older.  It’s supposed to be a major milestone, but it just feels like any other birthday…really.

The truth is, I’m so grateful for where I am (we are) in life.  God is truly amazing!  His blessings never cease to amaze me.  I stand so humbled to have been given such a wonderful life thus far.  As I look back over this past decade, I am so proud of and thankful for the experiences I’ve had.  There is nothing more I could possibly wish for!

• At 21, I ran my first marathon (I’ve run 5 more since and 4 half marathons).
• At 22, I graduated from Azusa Pacific University with a Bachelor’s in Liberal Arts.
• At 22 and 1/2, I married the man of my dreams.
• At 24, I earned my Multiple Subject Teaching Credential and enjoyed an incredibly challenging year as a 1st grade teacher at Mayflower Elementary School.
• At 25, we moved to West L.A., where I began a whole new adventure as a Middle School Math teacher (and I’ve loved almost every minute of it!).
• At 26, we went on a mission trip to Kenya, where we met Hilary, the boy we’ve been supporting for 5 years now.  My perspective on the world, and my understanding of our great God, has never been the same!
• At 26 and 1/2, we bought our first home (and it’s absolutely perfect!).
• At 29, we visited Germany, Amsterdam, and Salzburg.  A trip of a lifetime.
• At 29 and 1/2, I became pregnant with our first child.

I’m overwhelmed by God’s goodness.  I look forward to another decade of trusting Him and growing as a woman, wife and mommy.  I can’t even imagine the adventures He has in store!

I won’t go into detail about the film as it surely isn’t for everyone.  However, it has made me certain that I want a natural birth (except in the case of emergency, of course).  I want to experience the birthing process and reach the lowest and darkest moment in my life thus far (labor) to experience the ultimate, highest point in life (having a baby).  I know my body can do it.  It’s scares me to death (and I am not exaggerating…some of the labor scenes did have me considering forgetting childbirth altogether!!), but it’s an experience I want.

Someday…