“How grateful we are, our Heavenly Father…”

That’s how my Grandpa Wallace started every prayer.

Then he would go into all the things he was grateful for:

“…For Your kindness to us; for Your mercy; for Your grace; for our family….”

He would often say, “Sara, God is so good to me.  He has given me so much in my life and I don’t deserve it.”  In my eyes, Grandpa was such a good man, God-fearing, wise, and full of grace himself.  If anyone deserved God’s love and goodness, it was him.

But, Grandpa knew himself.  He knew that on his own, he was not good or loving.  He knew that it was only by God’s grace and mercy that he was blessed.  He understood that everything he had was a gift…not earned or deserved.

I am humbled when I think of my Grandpa Wallace.  His father died when he was four years old and Grandpa started working at a young age to help support his mother and brother and sister.  He used to tell me about life in Brooklyn.  He told of the times he and his friends would hop the fence onto someone else’s property, just because they could.

He told of the time he and his friends were smoking cigarettes (as teenagers) when one of their teachers walked past them.  He said they quickly stuffed the cigs in their pockets as they didn’t want her to know they were smoking.  Looking back on it, he would laugh, realizing that the smoke wafting from their pockets was probably a dead giveaway as to what they were up to.

He told of the evening he went to a revival service and met my Grandma for the first time.  It wasn’t long before he fell in love with and wanted to marry her.  Knowing she was a Christian and that he had better get his act together if he wanted such a woman’s hand, he gave his life to the Lord and quit smoking.  Just like that.  He knew what was right and did it.

He told me of their first few years of marriage.  How they lived in a small apartment on the second floor of someone’s house.  He told of how they both got off of work from the factories late into the evening and would go out to dinner together.  Steak and coffee…I think that’s what they ate together.

My grandpa graduated from High School much later in his life (I think my dad was a kid at the time).  He never talked about his regrets or wished he had lived differently.

He was faithful.  After my grandma died, he never had a desire to remarry.  He led singing, taught Sunday School, and gave faithfully to his church.  He lived on very little and gave to several organizations.  And he always did it joyfully.  He never told anyone how much he gave and he never let his generosity and servanthood bring him glory.  Everything he did, he did unto the Lord.

My Grandpa spent countless hours reading the Bible. He bought himself a word processor and then a computer so that he could type up his Bible studies. He prayed without ceasing. Oh, how he prayed. I know he prayed for his children and grandchildren daily. He prayed for his church. He prayed for his city, our country, our leaders.

My Grandpa Wallace was a good man.  I was thinking about him this morning.  I wish he could have met Molly.  He would be so happy to see his great-granddaughter. These days, I see so much of my Grandpa in my Dad.  I am so grateful his legacy continues.

How grateful I am, Heavenly Father, for blessing me with such a wonderful grandpa.  How I pray that my life will reflect your goodness and mercy as well.

Hmmm…

Do I have a choice?

Is there a possibility?

Would she be missing out?

Is it even up to me?

Princesses. I’ve never been a big fan.

I love make-believe. My first imaginary friend (YM) arrived when I was two. I spent countless hours “pretending” and playing with dolls. My friends and I spent our summer days building houses out of lawn chairs and other paraphernalia around our garages. Recesses were spent imagining we lived in the Old West and stories continued from morning recess to lunch recess and, if we were lucky, afternoon recess. (I can’t remember the details but I remember hiding in our “basement” during at least 2 recesses while we waited for a tornado to pass over us).

Imagination. It was my job. I spent my days and nights making up stories and characters.

But, princesses. Why does that particular imaginary play bother me so much? Is it because princesses often live with a sense of  ”entitlement?” Is it because Disney took care of all the details—no need to make up stories or costumes, you can buy them at the store? Or maybe it’s because all the little girls are into princesses and I HATE following the crowd.

Whatever it is, I hope I can allow Molly to enjoy whatever it is she wants to play as she grows into a little girl. I won’t be buying into the Disney movies or
costumes. She will, however, have a box full of dress-up clothes, I’m sure. There will be dolls and play food and play kitchens and imaginative props of all sorts. I
hope Molly develops a rich land of make-believe.

But, princesses…? I hope they don’t come into our home pre-packaged.

One of the blogs I follow and really enjoy has a “virtual coffee” post on a pretty weekly basis. It’s just a short “chat over coffee” kind of post. I thought I might try a little coffee myself…

If we were having coffee this afternoon, it would probably be iced. The weather is quite warm today. Molly and I walked to Smart & Final and then to Vons for our weekly shopping trips. On our first outing, I was wearing jeans, but by 11:00, I was in a skirt and t-shirt.

If we were having coffee together, I would definitely ask how you are doing? What are you learning right now? Do you have any opinions from this weekend’s EVENT?

If you’re a mama, I’d probably eventually ask you how you do it. How do you give yourself grace to just be each day and not set unrealistic expectations of yourself? I mean, I am so blessed to be home full time! I am beyond grateful! Yet, no matter how hard I work, I can never get my house clean enough, cook enough meals from scratch, find enough money saving strategies at the grocery store, read my Bible enough, or, of course, exercise enough (honestly, when do you find the time?!). Like everything else in life, I approach my life at home as something I must earn daily. If I don’t do enough I might get fired, or at least asked to start contributing to the household finances. (Just to be clear, these are my thoughts and feelings…Nate is so gracious to me and tells me how grateful he is that I do what I do everyday. He would NEVER demand more of me!).

If we were together today, you would probably give me a hug and tell me you know EXACTLY what I’m going through.  You would also remind me that no one is keeping score. Nate isn’t, Molly isn’t, you aren’t, and our Heavenly Father certainly isn’t. I would know you’re right and I would thank you for not trying to fix my problem, but just listening. After all, that’s why we met for coffee in the first place.

~Sara

Happy New Year!

I have a friend who writes about the highlights and lowlights of her life each year. I think it’s a great idea, and have decided to do the same! (Thanks, Mindy!)

Molly
By far, the BIGGEST highlight of 2010 was Molly Grace. She was born August 10 at 12:39 AM. My life is a whole new adventure now!

Family
Highlight–carrying Molly for 9 months in my belly. I enjoyed being pregnant!

Highlight–spending several days with Nate on a “babymoon” in Palm Springs in April.

Highlight–enjoying a weekend with Nate in June at Mission Inn in Riverside.
Highlight–celebrating a family baby shower in July at Barbara’s Victorian Teahouse with all the beautiful women in my family.

Highlight–experiencing a peaceful, safe, and natural labor and delivery of Molly in August.

Highlight–celebrating 8 years of marriage with my Nate in November in San Luis Obispo.
Highlight–celebrating Thanksgiving week with Nate’s whole family in San Jose in November.
Highlight–dedicating Molly at church in December.
Highlight–proudly watching my brother graduate from the fire academy in December.  He was #1 in his class!
Highlight–celebrating Molly’s 1st Christmas at Disneyland with Nate’s family and at home with my family.

Highlight–watching my parents become grandparents; I don’t know if I’ve ever seen them more giddy!

Personal
Highlight–turning 30 in January!
Highlight (& a little lowlight)–completing my 5th year as a middle school teacher in June. I have packed up my classroom and hung up my public school teaching hat for a few years.

Highlight–growing an amazing friendship with my incredible neighbor, Terra.

Lowlight–struggling with breastfeeding (for 3 long months!)
Highlight–becoming successful with breastfeeding (the learning process must be one of the worst, best-kept secrets of new mommyhood…I had no idea!).
Highlight–joining a wonderful table of women at our church’s weekly women’s Bible study.
Lowlight–experiencing the “new” after-baby body I’m living in.
Highlight–experiencing God’s incredible and amazing GRACE on a daily basis. His mercies really are new every single morning!

My heart overflows with joy as I look toward 2011. I am blessed beyond measure to have such an incredible husband (I love you so much, Nate!), a beautiful, healthy baby girl (you rock my world, Molly!), rich friendships, and a loving family. I give thanks to God, my Father for all of these perfect gifts. They have come from Him!

~Sara

Remember, me?

I’m sorry I’ve neglected you these last 6 months. It’s just that my life is so different these days. I’m still writing, just on another page. Please don’t think of me as a traitor. I will be back to write about my own thoughts and personal experiences.

But, until then, you’ll have to keep up over here.

I’m exhausted. Really. This time of year is so tiring already, and with a growing belly, I am ready for Spring Break more than ever!

I’ve had a student teacher since January. It’s been a good experience, but a challenging one as well. I usually spend my mornings and prep periods preparing myself quietly (kind of an “introvert” thing). But, I’ve been sharing those times with a beginning teacher these last several weeks. I’ve also been sharing my classroom and my students. Most of us teachers went into the classroom because we are independent workers who get to rule our own little worlds for 6 hours a day. It’s been great to have a student teacher, but I’m definitely ready for some downtime.
My students are really excited about this little one growing inside of me. They make comments that I just have to write down. I don’t want to forget anything about this amazing experience…
“My, Mrs. Jones. You’re getting so big. You have to make it until August?!”
“I think you’re carrying a boy because you’re carrying low like my sister.”
“I think you’re carrying a boy because you’re more round.” From the other side of the room, “No, boys are longer, girls are rounder.”
“Have you picked out baby names yet? I really think you should name the baby after me.” Let’s get one thing straight…most names are “out” because I’ve had a student by that name!
My neighbor teacher suggested I make a box for baby name suggestions as well as parenting advice. I think that’s a great idea! Eighth graders are so fun!!

I graduated from A.B. Miller High School in Fontana.  It was a great place to go to school.  I was involved in the AP program, I sang in the choir, I ran track and cross-country, and I was a leader in a couple of clubs over the 4 years I was there.  The school population was diverse (ethnically speaking as well as socio-economically).  The teachers I had were outstanding.  I had a solid group of friends.  I look back on high school with fond memories.

And now, 12 years later, the school has been identified as one of the most “underperforming schools” in California.  My heart is sad.  Not because of what has happened to our school, but because politicians still think they can rank schools, teachers, and precious students according to some unrealistic scale of “success!”  Among my group of friends who graduated in the 90s from A.B. Miller are teachers, architects, EMTs, stay-at-home-moms, accountants, reading specialists, speech therapists, and engineers.  How could all of those students come out of such a “low-performing” institution?  Clearly, the level of success our high schoolers have in the future is more a reflection of their family and personal desire and motivation to achieve high standards than the ranking of schools by the government!

I feel very passionate about this (as if you couldn’t tell!).  So many of us who go into education do it because our hearts give us no other options.  Yes, there are some lousy teachers out there (and I had a few over the years), but there are some phenomenal people in our schools as well.  As Christ-followers, our calling goes even beyond where our hearts lead us.  We know, without a shadow of a doubt, that our classroom is our mission field.  We have been called by our Creator to love his kids…and NOT just the ones in higher achieving, more exclusive communities.

I am an advocate for public education.  Nate and I plan to send our children into our community’s schools.  We are a part of the education process as parents.  Our children have a responsibility to their family and to themselves to work toward success.  The government (state and federal) will not scare me about our schools.  I know that to the politicians, our kids are nothing but numbers and test scores; as well as one of the greatest strains on the economy.  However, I choose to believe that God is greater than any of that.  Public education is a wonderful and important part of our community.  The success of our future generations lies in relationships (with friends, families, teachers, community members, and churches), not in the numbers and lists provided by out-of-touch government officials.

We’re at the time of year where my students have started challenging me on some of my “rules.”  They just want to be sure the rules still apply (after all, it has been over 6 months since the start of the school year).  It’s a never ending job enforcing the rules and remaining “firm, fair, and consistent.”  But here’s the funny part…when I actually call the kids out on their behavior, they don’t really act surprised.  For example, I had a girl stay after school today to serve a 30 minute detention because she’s been tardy to Homeroom 4 times in the last few weeks.  She cleaned the desks, straightened chairs, and graded mad minutes.  At the end she smiled and said, “Have a nice weekend, Mrs. Jones.”  I just made her stay after school, on a Friday, no less.  Yet, she still wishes me a good weekend?

Another student, who I ran with today during the jogathon, commented to me that I’m going to make a good mom because I call him out on things when he knows he should act better.  I just had a very serious conversation with this kid yesterday outside of the classroom about how he needed to act more appropriately in class and get on task.  I was quite stern about it.  He said that was a good thing?  Apparently that’s the type of discipline that works for him.

I guess discipline really is about love, though.  I have expectations, I’ve given good reason for those expectations, and I hold every student accountable to them.  It’s not my job to be their friend.  It is my job, however to model respect and train them to be responsible, decent people in our little community of a classroom.  That’s the ultimate sign of love.

It’s just interesting that they really do, deep down, want that too.

• I submitted 3rd quarter progress reports this afternoon.  30 of my 120 kids are failing.  25% of my students are failing!!  Where have I gone wrong?  “You can lead a horse to water…yada, yada, yada.”  It just makes me sad.
• 50 of my students (including the 30 above) will be getting a progress report because they are earning a C- or below.  )-:
• I had a girl in one period suspended today for buying marijuana.  She bought it from one of the top students in the school.
• I have a boy in one of my classes who was suspended all last week for selling weed.  He missed all of my classes again this week, simply because he did not come to school.  And, may I mention, he has a tattoo on his forearm that his mom approved of him getting.  *sigh*
• Another boy ditched my class twice this week.  He was here at school earlier and his friends came looking for him after school, but he just thinks he doesn’t need to attend my class.  (I’m pretty sure he’s high many days as well).
• I have a girl who stole $53 worth of books from the school book fair today.  She stole books!
• Another one of my students (a boy) went to a teacher friend today to tell him a girl in his social group is making fun of him calling him a “fag” and “gay.”  He was so distraught he literally sat in my friend’s classroom and cried!

My heart simply aches for these kids!  Dear Jesus, am I having any influence on these precious beings You’ve created?  I worked 52 hours this week FOR MY KIDS.  Not that I regret it.  I just am so sad that so many of them come from situations where life really is that bad.  Oh, God, send some mercy into my classroom.  May it be a safe place for these kids who long for so much more than this life on earth can give.  Amen.